You’ve been working hard developing your craft, and now you’re ready to try sitting in with a local band. Know the ropes, the unwritten rules, before you go.
Being a guest on stage is a lot like being a guest in someone’s home. Being polite, respectful, and humble will go a long way towards getting invited back. Remember, it’s not your house. It’s not your gig. Be a good guest.
Never Assume
It’s a little bit presumptuous to walk into a club with your road case and plop down next to the stage expecting to sit in just because you’ve got your axe with you. Leave your instrument under the table or in your car at first.
When the band takes a break, strike up a conversation with the band leader, or band member who plays the same instrument as you. Be friendly. Let them know you’re enjoying the show and that you are a musician too.
If he or she doesn’t bring it up first, you can politely ask if they ever let people sit in. If you’re invited, then go get your horn, get your reed on, or whatever else you need to do get ready. Then at some point, probably the next set, they’ll invite you up.
Skills and Song Choice
Play with passion, play within your skill level. Don’t expect to do anything on stage that you haven’t done hundreds of times in practice. (You’ll auger in for sure.) Stay within your comfort zone for now.
Later when you have your own gigs and have developed a following, you can push limits and experiment if you want to. For now, you’re developing relationships in the music community, developing your reputation, and creating new opportunities for future nights.
Mistakes happen. When it happens to you, shrug it off and stay focused on what’s next.
Singers, I’m preparing a separate video for you, but for now, I’ll mention a couple of basics. You’ll virtually always be asked what tune you’d like. (Instrumentalists may or may not be asked depending on the situation.) Be prepared with at least three songs in case they’ve already played one or don’t know another, and in case you’re invited to do a second song. Again, choose songs that you know you can nail.
Listen and Take Turns
Don’t noodle around when you’re on stage. Once the song starts, don’t stand off to the side tuning, thinking it won’t disturb what’s going on. Be a listener. We’ve got two ears, we’ve got one mouth. Listen twice as hard as you “speak.”
When it comes time for your solo, the band leader will cue you. Take your turn, one time through. Don’t take a second or third time through unless you never want to be invited back again. You wouldn’t empty an entire serving dish onto your plate at a dinner party, would you? Don’t hog the song either!
Occasionally the band leader might indicate to you to take a second time through but usually not, and never do so unless the band leader clearly asks you.
It doesn’t matter how brilliant or accomplished you are if you step all over other players’ solos. If you take more than your share of the spotlight, you won’t be welcomed back.
When your solo is over, quit playing and step back. Listen to the band and appreciate their work. When the song’s over, say thanks and move to leave the stage.
If you played well, you might be asked to stay on stage for a second song. But don’t feel bad if not. The band has their set list and they’re at work and they have their job to do, and they have their fans to accommodate. Or there may be other musicians in the audience who’ve asked to sit in
You can tell what they think by the smiles, thumbs up, eye contact, etc. If you feel you did well, stick around. You might be asked back to the bandstand in the next set. If you feel you didn’t do so well, stick around. Listen and learn. Try again another night.
Either way, thank the band and be friendly.
I remember an incident that occurred at a thriving, happening jazz club in a tourist town where I was playing recently. The place was packed, the band was smoking, and a sax player was invited from the audience to sit in with us for a song.
When it came time for his solo, he blew the roof off the joint. He was one of the finest sax players I’ve ever played with. But when his solo was over, he didn’t stop. He took another solo, a second time through the song. And then a third. And then a fourth. And still he kept going.
I’ve seen stage hogs before but this guy took the cake. I lost count of how many times through the song he kept playing. And playing. The band and I were getting ticked off, and even the audience—who had been totally on his side and cheering him at first—realized he was being rude and started to lose interest.
When he finally stopped, we didn’t compliment him or ask him back or even make much eye contact, and the applause was merely polite. Everyone’s attitude was, okay, enough of this guy. It was a shame because the guy was brilliant and very accomplished. Anybody who was that mature in their craft—clearly many thousands of hours of practice—should have known better. Go figure.
Don’t Start a Conversation Into the Mic
When you’re sitting in, the only things you’ll need to say to the audience are hello, and thank you. And smile! But don’t start a conversation with the audience. If people come up to you afterwards, and they may, great. You’re starting to develop fans already! Be content with that until you have your own gigs.
Another recent incident I recall involved a singer. This gal had pipes. She wasn’t a pro, but she had tremendous raw talent. With a little work on repertoire and stage craft, she could put some serious competition on every singer in the region.
The first time she sat in, I thought, wow, this lady is really talented. I expected to see her again, and watch her get more and more polished. I was looking forward to it.
Unfortunately, the next time she sat in, she made a terrible blunder that cost her any chance of sitting in again, or ever getting a job at that club. What could she have done to make herself so unwelcome?
Band leader calls her up. She walks up to the mic, and before singing, launches into a fiery discussion about religion.
Without going into detail about her beliefs, I’ll just summarize that she went on for some minutes, saying she felt compelled to speak out because her beliefs were the true beliefs. Which is the same thing as saying that anyone who believes differently from you is just plain wrong.
In case you weren’t sure, it is never cool to talk about religion or politics with strangers. Don’t do it at dinner parties, and don’t do it at gigs. Yes, there are mega-stars who get political. But I bet there are no mega-stars reading this blog.
For us ordinary human music artists, we can’t afford to alienate and anger half our audience at every gig. You’d be down to three fans left by the end of the month. People come into the club to have a good time, hear some great music, enjoy good food and drinks, and forget their troubles for a while. Save religion for church, and save politics for political events. Keep your fans.
But worse than that, to make a speech like that at someone else’s gig is darn near unforgivable. The only way she would have been able to recover from that blunder would be to privately—and I mean PIRVATELY, not into the mic!—apologize to the band leader and the club owners and swear you will never, ever, ever do anything like that ever again.
I suppose it would be worse to publicly insult or assault the club owners. That would get you banned for life, no apologies accepted. But other than that, using the mic to discuss controversial and contentious subjects is a close second.
Don’t Monopolize the Other Players
During breaks or after the gig, say thanks and shake hands, but don’t monopolize a band member’s time by talking their ear off for the whole break. They need to use the restroom, speak to other patrons, and get back on stage. After the gig, it’s cool to talk for a few minutes, but remember that they need to break down their gear and get on the road. Remember, they are at work. They probably want to go home and eat dinner.
Dealing With Nerves
Sitting can be a lot of fun. Who doesn’t dream of rising from the anonymity of the audience to jam with the band. But it can also be very nerve wracking at first.
You can calm your jitters somewhat by being well prepared and playing within your comfort zone.
Another tip is to accept the fact that you will make mistakes. No musician ever gets through an entire performance without mistakes. Make the same mistake twice and call it jazz. Three times, and it’s composition.
Half-joking there. You don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over. Just realize, they are going to happen. Do your best, get through the song, and tomorrow in the practice room, you can work on the section that tripped you up.
Check out my video about The Three Ss to help you deal with mistakes that crop up in the same place all the time.
Over time, the best way to calm your jitters is by desensitization. Just keep doing it over and over until eventually it feels natural.
Did you ever feel nervous on the first day of a new job? But you kept going to work each day and soon you probably less nervous. If you stay in the job long enough, it becomes second nature.
The same is true of performance. Getting those first few hundred performances under your belt goes a long way to calming those nerves.
And remember: nobody’s perfect!
Open Mics and Cabarets
Open mics and cabarets are musical events that are designed for lots of different players and singers to each take their turns on the bandstand. These events are different from sitting in with a band at a traditional gig.
We’ll take more about open mics and cabarets another day. But for now, just use the dinner party rule as your guide. Be polite, be friendly, be considerate, and you’ll be welcomed back another night.
Conclusion
So remember, your goal when sitting in is to get better, get experience, develop connections, and maybe get called in as a substitute when another player is sick or on vacation. Build up your reputation, develop fans, and get your own gigs or be invited to join a band.
Or maybe you just want to be able to sit in when you go out with friends. It sure feels good to be invited to the bandstand and be able to hold your own for a tune or two.
Either way, you want to be invited back. So be a good guest, have fun, do your best, be humble, and you’ll soon find yourself a member of your local music community.
